Memories from the Conductor's Podium

As a first-time music director preparing my high school students for our very first concert, I found myself overwhelmed with a mixture of excitement and nerve-wracking anticipation. Since my student teaching background was in an English Language classroom, I felt entirely unready to take on the responsibility of selecting music and leading young musicians through rehearsals. Each day presented fresh obstacles—addressing the varying skill levels within the ensemble, choosing pieces that highlighted their abilities yet remained attainable, and nurturing a spirit of teamwork and confidence among the group. I devoted countless hours to refining arrangements, planning rehearsals, and calming nervous performers, all while grappling with my own self-doubt. Nonetheless, despite the pressures and occasional difficulties, witnessing the students’ progress and seeing their faces brighten as the concert approached made every effort truly rewarding.

The evening of the concert found me carefully dressed in my interview suit, aiming to project a blend of professionalism and warmth. The crisp, well-fitting attire boosted my confidence as I drove toward the high school. Upon arrival, I headed to the choir room, a familiar setting alive with the quiet nervous energy of students preparing for their debut. As everyone gathered, the atmosphere shifted from anxious anticipation to focused readiness. I led the group through vocal warm-ups, guiding controlled breaths and encouraging strong projection. Observing their transformation from tentative to enthusiastic was deeply fulfilling, affirming that our dedicated efforts would soon resonate through the gymnasium in rich harmony. As the clock neared seven, I steadied myself with a deep breath before leading the choir into the gymnasium, where the audience awaited the debut performance of their new director.

Nervously positioned in front of the risers, I lifted my hands to lead our opening song, emotions swirling between excitement and anxiety. As the music started and my hands kept pace, I suddenly pictured all the eyes fixed on my backside—a thought that made my heart race. To my deep concern, I soon noticed hives breaking out on my skin. The burning rash rapidly spread over my back, climbing up my neck and reaching into my hair. Although the sting and embarrassment were intense, I persevered, intent on conducting the song with assurance. By the concert’s conclusion, my whole body felt ablaze, and I yearned to relieve the relentless itching. Instead, I joined parents in the lobby, nibbling on cookies from the PTA and sipping bland lemonade from a red solo cup. Fortunately, the audience appeared happy with our debut performance, and the parents thanked me for a job well done.

That night, as I finally removed my suit jacket and settled into bed, the rash still tingling but now dulled by exhaustion, a wave of pride washed over me. Despite the chaos spread across my skin and the self-doubt that had shadowed me throughout the journey, I had led my students through their first concert—and together, we had succeeded. The students’ smiles, the applause from the audience, and the encouragement from parents were all reminders that growth often comes wrapped in unexpected challenges. I promised myself that no matter what obstacles lay ahead, I would face them with the same determination and heart, committed to helping these young musicians find their voices. After all, every great symphony begins with a single note—and this was only our first.

During the following week, as I committed myself to preparing elementary pupils for the eagerly awaited autumn concert, I experienced a notable boost in confidence while channeling their enthusiasm and energy into melodious songs and spirited performances. Each day was brimming with joyful rehearsals where small voices practiced earnestly, eager to display their skills. Amid the busy routine of teaching and organizing, I was relieved to observe that my hives were slowly healing. This unexpected recovery felt almost symbolic, as if the children's vibrant enthusiasm and my increasing confidence were fostering healing both in my body and spirit. Juggling the concert preparations alongside witnessing the progress of my students and the improvement of my own health made that week not just hectic but profoundly fulfilling.

On the evening of the concert, the gymnasium thrummed with excitement as parents and relatives occupied every seat, eagerly awaiting the show. That night, I opted for a simple dress—more comfortable than my suit, yet still allowing me to feel self-assured in my role as director. As I guided my students onto the stage and helped them settle on the bleachers, a wave of pride swept over me, recognizing the tremendous effort they had devoted to their preparation.

The gym resonated with the sound of students from different grades settling onto the wood bleachers that spanned the stage, their quiet chatter merging into a lively buzz of anticipation. Each class formed a tight-knit unit, poised and ready to step forward and raise their voices before the eager audience. As the crowd grew silent, a blend of excitement and nerves filled the air while the students awaited my cue at the piano. One class after another stood confidently, their voices blending harmoniously with my accompaniment, transforming the familiar gymnasium into a dynamic concert venue. Parents and townspeople watched with affectionate smiles, moved by the array of musical talents and the deep sense of camaraderie that filled the room during this memorable occasion.

Once the second-grade choir concluded their delightful performance, the children stood proudly, their voices still lingering softly in the room. Once the clapping subsided, I gestured for the children to sit as a group; every student complied except a single young boy who remained standing. The audience observed in quiet amusement as he methodically removed his suit jacket, folding it with the careful precision of someone far older than his years. He then draped it over his arm before sitting down. I barely contained a laugh and exchanged a knowing smile with the audience. His thoughtful gesture served as a sweet reminder that even small actions—such as folding a jacket after a performance—reflect children’s growing independence and respect for the occasion, making the moment even more memorable for everyone present.

As we got ready for our elementary school Christmas extravaganza the next year, I felt an overwhelming sense of excitement and confidence. Having built on the experience from my first year, I felt more equipped to navigate the unique challenges of guiding young voices, fostering not only their musical skills but also their enthusiasm and stage presence. The rehearsal process was a joyful blend of laughter, learning, and the occasional adorable misstep, but seeing the students’ progress each week affirmed the hard work we were putting in. As the concert day approached, the anticipation in the room was palpable—not just from the children, but from myself as well—knowing that all our preparation would culminate in a heartwarming performance, spreading holiday cheer to families and creating lasting memories for everyone involved.

This year's show was a captivating blend of drama and music, where the play and songs were seamlessly combined to tell a cohesive and captivating Christmas story. As the narrative progressed, each musical piece flowed effortlessly into the next, boosting the overall vibrancy of the production. To keep the performance concise and coherent, I once again had all the children remain seated on stage throughout. This setup fostered a sense of shared excitement and togetherness among the young performers, emphasizing their cooperation and commitment. The arrangement worked perfectly—until a bored kindergarten student decided her tights needed to go!

Since the kindergartners were the smallest, I had placed them in the front two rows of the bleachers. The little girl, adorably dimpled and clad in an elegant velvet Christmas dress but uncomfortable tights, sat front and center. While James sang about his present left beneath the "great big shining Christmas tree," Betsy initiated her own silent drama. She quietly rose, lifted her dress above her waist, slid the tights down over her underwear to her knees, then lowered her dress back down to just above her knees. Sitting back on the bleacher, she proceeded to remove her patent leather shoes, neatly aligning them on the stage floor. In an unladylike fashion, she completed pulling off the tights before traipsing barefoot to the front of the stage, rolling up the tights into a ball, and casually tossing them to her father in the audience.

Fortunately, the performers were standing on a temporary platform in front of the main stage, so the soloist remained undistracted by Betsy’s impromptu act. However, I was using a CD accompaniment instead of live piano, allowing me to witness the entire scene from my chair at stage left. When Betsy’s tights expertly flew into Mr. Ryan’s hands, we exchanged a glance filled with shock and amusement, quickly averting our eyes to maintain composure. The audience, however, was less composed, erupting in laughter that swept through the room and ended with a cheeky remark: “Nice catch, Dad!”

Despite the unexpected interlude, the show continued smoothly, the children’s smiles even brighter after the brief moment of hilarity. Betsy, now without her shoes but evidently delighted by her act, returned to her friends who greeted her with knowing smiles and supportive nods. As the last chords of the concluding song resonated throughout the gym, the whole student body remained standing, beaming with pride as the audience exploded in applause. I was filled with joy by the combination of sincere acting and improvised humor, discovering that the best moments happen when things don’t go exactly as planned.

Afterwards, while savoring Christmas cookies in the lively lobby, I observed parents sharing stories and capturing precious moments in photographs, as children excitedly discussed their parts and the enjoyment they experienced. It dawned on me then that my path—from a tense conductor battling a rash to an assured guide embracing every oddity and surprise—had evolved far beyond mere music. This journey represented growth, perseverance, and the delightful realization that the most unforgettable experiences often come from relinquishing control and relishing the moment.

Later that evening, after a relaxing hot shower, I sank onto my sofa with a glass of wine in hand. As I pondered my brief experience teaching music, it became clear that this transition—from anxiously directing with a rash to leading an energetic, confident choir—had changed me as profoundly as it had supported the children. In that instant, I recognized I was exactly where I belonged: nurturing not just music, but also connection, joy, and development through every sincere performance.